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creative writing
October 2008 
trudging
Posted on Mar 31st, 2008
by 
Amanda
Amanda
I'm exhausted. Truly and completely. Sonya ate something at her grandparents house over sping break that her system is rebelling against. My ear aches. My second ear infection in 6 months. I'm 34! Doesn't my body know I'm long past the stage of recurrent ear infections? Spring has not yet fully arrived. There was a dusting of styrofoam-like snow across the yard this morning. The wind has been howling. I worry we may lose more trees, or worse....
When I first joined Gaia I was in a similar state. Nothing seemed to fit, to join. Even my skin felt foriegn. But even so, there was an angst of sorts within me that allowed my voice to flow. A spontaneous and generous swelling of thoughts came forward. I wrote more in six months than I have in 12 years. It felt good. Wholesome and productive. Even if it did originate from a sleep deprived and frustrated angst. Now, in these bitter and worrisome hours, I'm just depleted. I know things will change. The tides turn, the sun will break through.........but for now that wall just seems too high. I'm waiting for something to break.
When I first joined Gaia I was in a similar state. Nothing seemed to fit, to join. Even my skin felt foriegn. But even so, there was an angst of sorts within me that allowed my voice to flow. A spontaneous and generous swelling of thoughts came forward. I wrote more in six months than I have in 12 years. It felt good. Wholesome and productive. Even if it did originate from a sleep deprived and frustrated angst. Now, in these bitter and worrisome hours, I'm just depleted. I know things will change. The tides turn, the sun will break through.........but for now that wall just seems too high. I'm waiting for something to break.
Access: Public
Amanda-
I too have cycles of feeling down and that everything is back to square one. I have learned though in my darkest hours if I maintain my faith that I'm having the experience I need right now even if I don't understand why–keep my mind on what I know to be my best self and continue to try to express that–a shift will happen back toward the light.
Immerse yourself in it–don't struggle against it–and the tide will carry you to safety.
Thank you dear one. You are so very right. I'm not sure how, but the light has shown itself already. I'm about to blog about it right now…….I'm still a little overwhelmed by it. Inspiration doesn't usually hit me like this.
Much love!
And how are you today, dear?
Tired ;-) Sonya is in a food induced rage again, the dog is sick (he was up more last night than the baby was!) and Gavyn is going through an alarming growth spurt that leaves him acting/eating/sleeping like a teenager.
But my good friend's baby was just born, we haven't had snow in 2 days, and my little book project is still humming along. I have no real complaints– the sun always manages to break through the clouds at the best possible time. xoxo
I have just left my boots at the door after my trudging which felt like all the mud had been saved for my walk out.
I am glad you are feeling better Amanda, it seems you have had a lot of challenges and you have kept your head above the water..
Just go with the flow of each moment, soon your rainbow will be clear…
Blessings and peace…